10/1/11

     When I began teaching Yoga full-time a few years back I was excited and scared.  Being able to follow my passions and do something that I love to do is a true blessing.  I continue to seek out new opportunities to better myself, my practice and my teaching.  I just finished 2 years at Loyola Marymont Universities Yoga Therapy RX program.  Studying the therapeutic applications possible from the Yoga practice.  While there I learned how broad of a topic Yoga really is.  Even after numerous trainings I still feel like there is so much more to learn.  I know I will continue to seek out more training, and more knowledge as I grow deeper into this practice and profession.

     At this moment I have graduated from Level 2 of the Yoga Therapy program at LMU and am caught in this "what now?" phase.  I am known (to some) as a vinyasa flow teacher, and I have many students who love the flow style classes I've come to love practicing and teaching.  How can I then transition into teaching more Therapeutic sessions?  How do I go about bridging the gap between what I am known for, and where I want to go.  As I try to explore with therapeutic workshops, private sessions and classes, I am realizing that this will be a very slow process.  Patience is a must when transitioning in life, career, passion, and art.  All of which Yoga are for me.  I find myself growing impatient at times.  I feel like Veruca Salt in "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" when I say "I want it now."  But when mirrored back with "what do I want."  I am riddled with uncertainty.  

     Let's go back a few years.  Three to be exact.  When I had first started teaching full-time.  I was making enough money to make ends meet, I was driving all around teaching numerous classes a week and feeling pretty good about it.  Things were going my way, or so I thought.  This was when my body decided it had a different agenda.  First I hurt my shoulder playing with my then 4 month old niece.  Then I hurt my knee trying to baby and overcompensate for my shoulder while teaching a spinning class.  I pushed through thinking "I'm a Yogi, I'm sure I can heal myself with my practice."  So I chose poses that I thought would stretch and strengthen around my injuries.  I avoided certain movements that would aggravate my injuries, and things slowly got better.  Even though things got better, they did not get well.  The knee continues to be a problem that comes back to this day.  Just over a year ago my compensations for the knee issues manifested in pain in the bottom of my foot.  Possibly plantar fascitis.  I again had to re-negotiate with my body and find ways to practice that would hopefully help my body heal.  I noticed that the foot pain seemed to be related to tightness and pain in my calf muscles, up the back and outside of my leg.  Which were connected into my knee pain, and all the way up my IT band into my outer hip and back.  As all of this came to the surface I struggled to find a way to not only practice but TEACH my classes.  I dove deeper into myself, tried to learn to listen to my body and came up with a few different conclusions.  My body was trying to tell me to SLOW DOWN the entire time, but my mind wouldn't listen.  People used to joke that when you turn 30 everything in your body changes.  Well it literally did for me.  The first injury came just a few months after my 30th birthday, and now just after my 33rd, I am still dealing with the consequences of not listening to my body fully from the start.  I am able to manage and deal with the trouble in my body, but have still been unable to fully mitigate it.  

     SLOW DOWN, my body keeps telling me.  Some days I listen and my body feels better.  Some days I get excited about a fun flow class I am teaching, and I head back to old habits of demonstrating every pose full out, but only on one side, and without a proper warmup.  Those are the days that my body again gives me those delicate, or not so delicate, painful reminders that I need to be more careful.  Even my own practice has suffered.  In order to go easy on my body, while still teaching up to 20 classes a week to make ends meet, I cut back on my own practice.  My flow practices, which I love, have grown few and far between, and I have trade them out for softer more therapeutic practices.  Change is fine, and good, and the practice must shift as we grow older, but I was not ready for such a drastic shift, and I am becoming eager to get back to a more demanding physical practice once again.

     I am realizing that I can not teach the way I used to.  In fact I probably should cut back on the number of classes I teach weekly.  Teaching full-time turned into, teaching too much.  It has kept me in this cycle of pain, and healing for the past few years.  So now at this juncture of finishing school, and wondering where life is leading me, I know I need to make careful decisions.  How much can I teach?  How can I transition to more lucrative sessions such as workshops and privates?  How do I transition into less vinyasa classes and more therapeutic style sessions?  Can I still teach the same vinyasa classes in a more mindful way to assist my healing? 

     The struggle I constantly have of wanting to be farther along in life and my career than I am is heightened by the pain in my body.  I am not yet to a point where I can teach less and still stay afloat financially, but my body is at a breaking point where it will not continue to heal if something does not shift.  There is an amount of fear involved in moving forward, and every decision has the extra weight of how it will affect my body.  The past few years really have become a lesson in patience with my healing process and my career, as well as a lesson in learning to listen deeper to the subtle messages inside of my body.  My schedule will have to change, and morph to accommodate my physical and financial needs.  As things shift I hope that the students I have grown to adore seeing in classes week to week will understand, and that they will come with me through this transition.  Students always come and go, and my sentimental nature grows attached to each one, and misses them as they go.  I know that with great risk comes great reward, and I know that there are great things out there for me.  With a little patience and some listening, I will find the path that suits me best, and those who are meant to come with me will.  

     So what is up for my future??  I'm still ironing out the details, but if I put my desires down in this forum, maybe it will inspire them to come to fruition.  I want to keep teaching vinyasa flow classes, at the gym, at the current Yoga studio, and at least at one more Yoga studio.  I want to add in some restorative and Therapeutic Yoga classes to my teaching schedule.  I will of course keep teaching some spinning classes, as this Yogi still has to get his fun cardio going.  In total, these classes should only number 10-12 as opposed to the 20 that I teach now.  So to fill in those gaps, I will be teaching 4 or 5 one-on-one sessions a week, in therapeutic and vinyasa Yoga.  I will be teaching several workshops on various yoga topics every year.  (Topics including but not limited to, The art of the Sun Salutation, Deepening the Vinyasa practice, The Stress Response and stress reduction, Yoga tips and tricks from an anatomical perspective, as well as some non asana based workshops like, Pranayama made simple, Visualization and goal setting, and I'm sure many more)  I also want to bring a group together for at least one Yoga day or Yoga retreat per year.  And hopefully in 5 years or so I will start teaching at or running a teacher training program.  

     I have so much love and passion for the Yogic arts and practice.  I love to share it with friends, family, students, and anyone who will share it with me.  I know I am in a time of struggle and transition, but my passion and love will carry me through.  Stay tuned for more of my rants and raves here on this blog, and keep your eyes open to see how things move forward from here.  

     This is a vulnerable place to be in.  School is over, and it is time to take some leaps of faith.  I was once told that opening up to vulnerability takes courage.  I hope I have enough because I'm going to need it.

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